If You Give a Mouse a Facebook Account

(If you are not a parent or elementary school teacher who has read the book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, you may not get this. You may not get it anyway. I'm okay with that.)

If you give a mouse a Facebook account, she will want to post a status.


If she posts a status, and it is at all witty, profound, or strange, she will receive a comment.

She will reply to said comment.

She will check her notifications for a reply to said reply.

Before long, the mouse will be staring at a long thread of comments and think to herself, "Wow, look how famouse I am."

The mouse will wait anxiously, patiently, every day, for more notifications, ignoring the opened box of cookies in the cupboard.

Soon she will realize how self absorbed she has become, and post a "farewell" status, announcing to her Facebook friends her decision to quit Facebook.

When no one replies, she will go to bed devouring the box of cookies, realizing that no one ever cared that she was on Facebook after all.

She will be accused of being "extreme" and will want to throw herself in front of a cat.

Then she will realize how extremely self-absorbed she is for even thinking such thoughts, and mutter, "I hate Facebook."

Then she will open her Facebook page again, this time to make a quick check on her friends' well-being--not to post anything. Because she is not, in fact, extreme--just balanced.

(This post is dedicated to my fellow posting addicts. If you are a gamer, seek professional help or consider deleting your account and wearing a Farmville patch.)

(The "patch" idea is not original. It is borrowed from my brilliant friend Suzette, who definitely should be posting more status. Lurker.)